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The Day My Phone Vanished in the Chaos of Lagos Traffic: A Heart-Pounding Encounter"

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  Coming out of another interview yesterday, the 6th of the week, and probably the 42nd one in less than one month of being in Lagos, was the downcast, frustrated, tired, and hungry me, as usual, feeling like a failure. Again, after laying all my mighty grammar and vocabulary at the feet of an interviewer, I heard the usual slogan, "We will get back to you," which should be my second most hated statement, closely behind the first, "Nigeria shall be great.".   Just like every Nigerian, except the deluded ones, knows that the chances of Nigeria getting anything close to gre... are 0.00876%, so I always handed over everything to the hands of the "God of Chosen" whenever I left any of those interview grounds. Yesterday, brethren, was one of those days, probably the worst day. The interview session today was blockbusting, and the questions I was asked were hell-fire standard. Of course, I provided answers to those questions to the very best of my knowledge,

My Near-Death Experience With Four Scary Lagos Area Boys!

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  Some weeks ago, or would I say about a month ago, I met this very old friend, sorry, God forbid, someone I used to know back years ago after the closing of a church service at Salvation Ministries Ikotun. Jesse, the notoriously deep-rooted criminal back in 2008–2013, during those days in Birnin Gwari, Kaduna State, shaking hands with brethren after a church service. The very popular "Gaze and Shoot," as he was nicknamed back then, known for his unique style of stealing, which I have since then only seen exemplified by the way Erling Haaland steals away goals from Premier League defenders. It was said that once this guy, Jesse, gazes at any of your valuables back then, forget it; it's history. Once his eye catches sight of any of your fascinating treasures, the next place that treasure would be located would be on his left hand, because not only does he steal, he flaunts as well. And I guess that killed his stealing career. Because, of course, if not for how he flaunts

High Cost Of Rent In Lagos: A Tale Of 225K Against 2.5M Naira

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  So I decided to leave home and come down to Lagos, just 3 months after my NYSC passing out parade, and after the living conditions at home were becoming too unfavorable, unresideable, and too stressful.   The "This boy, go and hustle" type of look my mom was already giving me and the "May God remove this kind of reproach" cough my mom was giving me already indicated that I was entitled to less than 32 "Mummy, thank you" in that house. The "And this is useless, elder brother, we were placing the hope of an iPhone on" gaze by my younger ones and the "We can't keep shouldering your responsibility" type of fatherly advice my dad was steadily dropping was already giving me a clue of how impossible it would be to live in that house until I found my foot. It is as impossible as residing within the borders of Israel and Gaza without digesting one or two missiles or riffles. Even though no one was yet to outrightly tell me (of course,

How Many Kids Does Davido Have? (Updated 2023 List)

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  As sponsored by the Diggers Association of Nigeria (DON), one of the stories that made headlines in October 2023 online was a viral photo of Superstar Nigerian Musician Davido and his fiancĂ©e, Chioma, on a hospital delivery bed peacefully smiling with their newborns. While several Netizens were pouring in their congratulations and others were questioning whether the viral photo was not a manipulated work of an Ojota pencil artist, Singer Davido, in a ploy to keep the birth of his newborns, a mystery had tried playing the reverse psychology trick by cautioning internet users to stop circulating, in his words " old pictures ". And actually, at release, that OBO's tweet has had internet serial gossipers in a chokehold and in a mental infringement state known as "Glycolysis (the more you see, the less you know) until ex-music producer-now-turned-event-announcer Sam Klef shared video footage of the artiste and his wife, Chioma, in a London hospital. Well, even with S

How My First Date Went From Awkward To A 100% Hilarious Adventure In 2 Seconds

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  About six months ago, I got involved with this very pretty, light-skinned, drop-dead gorgeous Shawty (as Black Americans would say) I had connected with online. It was from a certain semi-mockery/break-shaming Facebook post from a popular influencer who asked ladies, "Whether they could date or marry a struggling man with great prospects, visions, and ambition, of course, flooded around the comment section were the usual annoying comments from Hungry and entitled Nigerian leeches, even dandruff-looking faces from Ezamgbo LGA of Ebonyi State, all screaming No! Nah! Never." It is better to cry in a Lemoisine than in a stuffy, self-contained hut. It is better to be depressed in Alaska than suffer in Ayaka-Ozubulu, Anambra. I can't suffer in my father's house and continue in my husband's house; that's like migrating from MTN Pulse to MTN Beta-Talk. Men will stain your white; may Edochie be a living testimony." In that same wolfy and soul-wrenching comment

From Scam Victim to Scam-Fighting Warrior" (My Horrible Experience With A Cunning Cyber Scammer)

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    Background   Before this time, precisely around 2017-2019, I didn't have anything against Yahoo boys, scammers, internet fraudsters, 419ners, Ponzi schemers, Bring 2 people; that would bring 4 people: agents, arm robbers, or pickpocketers (unless phone thieves, especially the ones that steal Android phones). I used to be very indifferent to anything about what anyone did to survive in this harsh country. My mantra then used to be, “Omoor, if E dey   work for you, continue”. For me, back then, I saw judging those young boys and girls determined to make something out of their lives through hook and crook (Yahoo Yahoo or Hook-up) as a mere act of mini-witchcraft, serious bad-belles, and being an enemy of progress. In this country where there are no jobs—sorry, reasonable jobs—not the 15k per month jobs where the employee spends 17,500 on transportation and collects 198k worth of insults from his or her employers, I mean reasonable jobs. Of course, those ones have been reserved

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